Processing Grief

A Compassionate Guide to Healing After Loss 

Part 3 of a 4 part series on grief, find more here.

Processing grief isn’t about finding a fix, though we often want it to be. We want to make it go away; to pack it neatly in a box in the back of our minds to never bother us again. But that’s not what grief wants or needs. Grief wants a companion. It needs someone to sit with it in the dark, to feel the tragedy, the agony, and the despair. Grief needs someone to bear witness to its pain and to move through what cannot be fixed. 

Grief is the echo of all we’ve lost. We honor it by listening.

—Ash Elizabeth, The Hard Peel

It comes in waves because if it hit all at once, it would wipe us out completely. The waves sometimes feel like tsunamis; fortunately, we’re still able to come up for air in between crashes. We welcome those moments of reprieve because, for grief, time doesn’t exist. For some of us, it can even feel permanent. One thing I’ve learned from grief is that it doesn’t want answers, explanations, or justification. And it doesn’t need structure or routine. It only wants our presence, and it needs our acknowledgement. 

Exploring Your Grief: Practical Tools for Healing 

If you’re currently processing grief, it can feel overwhelming to even know where to begin. The goal isn’t to get rid of your pain, but to create a space to move through it. Below are some powerful tools that can help you explore your grief and find a way to honor it. 

How to Process Grief Through Journaling 

Journaling is a powerful tool for exploring grief. It doesn’t require you to talk to anyone. You don’t have to share openly; it’s a way you can be completely honest about your feelings without fear of judgment or repercussions. Research shows that writing about stressful and traumatic events can lead to significant improvements in both physical and psychological health, reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression [1, 2]. 

Try asking yourself these questions: 

• What else did I lose beyond the obvious? 

• What parts of me feel different since the loss? 

• What do I wish I could say to them, to myself, or to others? 

• What does my grief need from me today: rest, expression, silence, or even laughter? 

Finding Healing Through Creative Expression 

Another way to work through grief is through creative expression. Art provides a healthy outlet for the uncomfortable emotions we’re experiencing. Whether you’re writing, painting, or dancing to your favorite music, expressing yourself is a perfect way to process grief. Engaging in creative arts therapies has been found to be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, providing a non-verbal outlet for complex emotions [3, 4]. 

You might try some of these methods: 

• Create a photo collage or memory box. 

• Try nature photography. 

• Paint or draw whatever comes to mind. 

• Write poetry or short stories. 

Grounding Your Body with Grief Practices 

Grief is felt in both the mind and the body. Engaging your senses and bringing awareness back to your body can help prevent you from getting stuck in a cycle of grief. Slow and gentle movement will allow your body to process uncomfortable feelings instead of holding on to them. Studies show that incorporating physical activity, even gentle movement, can significantly reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress by boosting mood-lifting endorphins and regulating the nervous system [5, 6]. 

Try some of the ideas below to help regulate your nervous system while grieving: 

• Stretching 

• Walking 

• Somatic grounding & breathwork 

• Vocal release, such as humming, singing, or even yelling into a pillow 

Why Talking It Out Can Help You Grieve 

Sharing your grief can restore a sense of connection and community. Finding a trusted therapist, leaning on friends, or joining a support group can help you feel less alone. Research suggests that group support can reduce feelings of isolation and stress, provide emotional relief, and foster a sense of understanding [7, 8]. For more complex grief, targeted therapies have shown high rates of effectiveness in helping individuals restore functioning and find new ways to think about their loss [9]. 

If you’re grieving, ask a friend to meet you for a cup of coffee or a walk. Sometimes, simply saying the words out loud can be a huge step forward. 

Finding Comfort in Spiritual Reflection 

Spiritual reflection doesn’t have to be religious, though it can be. It’s about leaning into your personal belief system—whether that’s God, the universe, or a set of rituals you’ve developed for yourself. Find what brings you internal peace during your time of grief and lean into it. Spirituality and religious rituals can offer powerful coping mechanisms, providing comfort, meaning, and a sense of connection during times of profound disorientation [10]. 

This might look like: 

• Prayer 

• Rituals, such as lighting a candle or visiting a meaningful place 

• Meditation 

• Connecting with spirit guides or your higher power 

My Journey with Grief 

Twelve years ago, I sat on the edge of my bed as my heart was ripped out of my chest. Agony consumed me as I learned that my best friend, pregnant at the time, had been in a horrendous accident the night before. She was on life support, and it was time to say goodbye. Despair radiated through my body as my friend and her unborn son were suddenly ripped from this earth. It was the greatest heartbreak I’ve experienced to date. 

In the days following her death, family and friends gathered around to support me. We brainstormed ways I could document what she meant to me. I still remember the poster I made for the funeral. It was covered in photos of her and me, decorated with her favorite colors and patterns. In the center were words I wrote expressing how much her friendship meant to me. 

Six months later, the waves were still crashing. I found myself sitting by her grave, catching her up on life between my sobs. My partner couldn’t understand why I wasn’t “over it” yet. I’m sure six months seems like a long time to someone who hasn’t lost anyone close to them. But to anyone who’s ever lost someone they loved dearly, someone they spent nearly every day with, six months is nothing. Instead of pushing the grief down, I began sharing on an anonymous online platform and later in therapy. 

No single action I took alleviated the pain of loss. But together, they helped me process and move forward. They allowed me to accept, express, and feel the complex emotions associated with the sudden death of my best friend. I still feel the sting from time to time and will even shed a tear or two for the future, the identity, and the lives that were lost that day. 

Significant losses have marked my life. Some were public and what some would deem “acceptable,” like losing my best friend and her unborn son. Others I felt I couldn’t speak freely about, like the demise of my marriage, which I’m still processing through therapy and anonymous support groups. Then there were things, like my miscarriage, that I grieved alone, with the help of journaling and my higher power. With each loss, I clung to these foundations, finding solace and a way to move forward. 

A Final Encouraging Note 

Grief is a heavy and difficult road, but you don’t have to carry it alone. You are not meant to “get over” your grief, but to learn how to carry it. Research on grief consistently shows that actively engaging with your emotions and seeking support are powerful ways to heal. Be gentle with yourself. Your grief is a testament to the love you have, and that love is a beautiful, powerful thing. 

The path of grief is unique for everyone, but these tools offer proven avenues for processing, healing, and ultimately, integrating your loss into your life in a meaningful way. 

How have you navigated grief in your life? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below. 

For more resources on healing trauma or processing difficult emotions, check out our Wellness Tips and don’t forget to sign up for your free Recovery Toolkit!

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Sources 

1. Baikie, K. A., & Wilhelm, K. (2005). Emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing. Australasian Journal of Psychiatry, 39(12), 1083–1090. 

2. Pennebaker, J. W. (2000). Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health. In H. S. Friedman (Ed.), The Oxford handbook of health psychology (pp. 521–539). Oxford University Press. 

3. Taylor, A. J., & Graham, J. A. (2006). The use of art therapy with bereaved children: A qualitative study. Art Therapy: Journal of the American Art Therapy Association, 23(2), 79-85. 

4. Stewart, S. L., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2014). Creativity and loss: Art as a medium for grief work. The Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, 46(1), 74-94. 

5. O’Connor, M. F. (2019). The neuroscience of grief. Current Opinion in Psychology, 30, 148-152. 

6. Sweeney, A., & O’Connor, K. (2018). The role of physical activity in the management of grief. Death Studies, 42(10), 651-659. 

7. Charlie Health. (2025). Group support might help you cope with grief, data shows. 

8. Jordan, J. R., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2003). Does grief counseling work? An empirical review of the effectiveness of grief interventions. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, 4, 143-167. 

9. Shear, M. K., Frank, E., & Foa, E. (2008). Traumatic grief: A conceptual and clinical review. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 10(2), 173–182. 

10. Tix, A. P., & Frenk, J. M. (1991). Coping with bereavement: The role of spirituality and religious beliefs. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 47(1), 1-13.