Tag: Budgeting

Part three of a four-part series. Explore more below.

Financial healing means reclaiming your autonomy and trust, and building confidence with money and spending. When you understand where your spending behaviors come from—whether it be childhood, adult relationships, or capitalist consumerism—you unlock the freedom to change them.

Because shame played such a large role in my relationship with money, I’m learning to reframe my opinions on spending and earning. I’m learning it’s okay to spend money on items that enrich my life, and to stop spending from a scarcity mindset. No one needs 32 bath towels, Ash. 😅

But trauma-informed financial literacy isn’t just about numbers and spending habits—it’s about nervous systems. It’s about building safety and trust with money in emotionally paced, shame-free environments.  

See my post, Beginning to Heal Financial Trauma, to learn more about the causes of financial trauma.

Budgeting and saving can seem like punishment, especially if you’ve only ever done it in survival mode. But it can actually be a form of self-care and empowerment. It helps us reclaim our autonomy, exhibit control in ways that feel nourishing, and reduce stress. 

How I’m Actively Healing My Relationship With Money—

Pausing Before Purchasing

I ask myself: Is this a need, investment, or treat? Am I trying to soothe an uncomfortable emotion with retail therapy? Am I in it for the long-term benefit or the dopamine hit? 

Interrupting Incessant Worrying 

The spiral sounds like: “What if we run out of money? What if we lose our job and can’t afford to live? What if I don’t have enough?”

I interrupt it with: “What if we don’t? What if we don’t lose our job? What if we do have enough? Are we open to that?”

This isn’t toxic positivity, it’s nervous system regulation. It’s practicing emotional neutrality in the face of financial fear. 

Buying Myself the Damn Coffee

If $5.62 a day breaks me, so be it. I deserve to enjoy the smallest comforts without guilt. I will soak up every vanilla sweet cream cold brew I can until I can’t anymore. Because joy is not irresponsible. Pleasure is not betrayal. And comfort is not a luxury to me—it’s a requirement. 

Repetition 

Healing takes practice. I still catch myself hoarding, over-tipping, or panicking over small purchases. But now I pause. I reflect. I reframe and I redirect. 

I’m done surviving scarcity. I’m learning to create abundance; with integrity, with authenticity, and with a nervous system that feels safe enough to receive it. 

Budgeting is Self-Care

Ultimately, financial healing is an act of courageous self-care—it’s a commitment to moving from a state of scarcity and shame to one of safety and abundance. The real work isn’t just balancing a ledger; it’s regulating your nervous system so that you can approach your money with clarity, trust, and autonomy.

Ready to take these principles and apply them in a way that feels supportive, not stressful? My next post, Practical Financial Tips for Trauma Survivors: Budgeting as Self-Care, includes free, downloadable PDF worksheets designed to help you organize your finances from a place of emotional safety. Click here to download your templates and begin building a budget that truly empowers you.

As always,

Be gentle. Go slow. Peel better.

Part two of a four-part series. Explore more below.

After childhood, many trauma survivors find themselves in adult relationships that mimic the financial exploitation, abuse, or shame from their childhoods. It’s not a coincidence, it’s a pattern. And it’s more common than most people realize. 

According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases [1]. It’s one of the most powerful tools abusers use to maintain control, and one of the top reasons survivors stay or return to abusive partners. 

Want to learn more about financial trauma? Check out my blog post, Beginning to Heal Financial Trauma for more information.

What Does Financial Abuse Look Like? 

Financial abuse looks like:

• Restricting access to money or accounts, even your own 
• Sabotaging employment or educational opportunities 
• Creating debt in your name 
• Using money as leverage, manipulation, or punishment 

“I’ll let you buy that if you let me do this.”

The Devastating Consequences 

Sharing finances is scary for me. I’ve never shared a bank account with another person for this reason. If I can be exploited and used while keeping a separate account, why would I trust someone to have full 24/7 access? Those are the thoughts that go through my head when a partner suggests a joint checking account. 

The consequences of financial abuse can include:

• Loss of financial autonomy 
• Erosion of self-worth and confidence 
• Feeling trapped or unable to leave due to economic dependence 

But it’s not just people. Institutions, banks, and companies have also been known to prey on the financially vulnerable—especially those with limited financial literacy or trauma histories. 

Take student loans, for example. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has uncovered illegal practices across student loan servicing, including: 

• Misleading borrowers about protections 
• Denying rightful benefits 
• Deceptive billing and unauthorized debits 
• Exploitative refinancing that strips federal protections [2] 

And the Student Borrower Protection Center reports that for-profit colleges have disproportionately targeted low-income communities and students of color with predatory financial schemes; promising opportunity but delivering debt and disillusionment [3]. 

It’s personal, and it’s systemic. Financial abuse lives in relationships, yes. But it also lives in policy, in profit models, and in the fine print. 

Why The Beliefs We Hold About Spending Matter

Financial abuse can also be self-induced. It comes from the way we talk to ourselves and our own beliefs.  Many of us were raised in environments where money was tied to survival, shame, and sacrifice. Where spending, even on happiness, was seen as betrayal. 

When we were younger, my brother bought a scooter with cash he earned helping our uncle. My mother threatened to leave because he didn’t contribute to the household. Because, “no one thinks of anyone except themselves”.

That moment stuck with me. It taught me that spending money on yourself, even when you’ve earned it, is dangerous. Selfish. Risky.

This is scarcity mindset in real time. It’s the belief that there’s never enough, and that any personal abundance must be punished or redistributed. It teaches us: 

• To feel guilty for spending on ourselves 
• To equate worth with sacrifice 
• To fear joy, pleasure, or autonomy when money is involved 

Scarcity mindset is cultural, generational, and systemic. It’s reinforced by trauma, poverty, and survival conditioning. And it shows up in our adult lives as: 

• Shame around buying things we love 
• Fear of financial independence 
• Over-giving or under-earning in relationships 
• Feeling undeserving of rest, pleasure, or abundance 

In a recent Medium article, Unlearning the Scarcity Mindset: A Guide to Buying Yourself the Damn Scooter, I explored my own scarcity mindset and how it’s haunted my recent purchases and investments. This is what I’ve learned— 

“I am allowed to enjoy my time. I am allowed to do things I love. I am allowed to buy items necessary to explore a new passion. I don’t have to “perform” in a certain way to deserve this time and opportunity. I am allowed to invest in myself, my mental health, and my life.” 

Moving Forward After Financial Trauma

Before we can reclaim financial safety, we have to name the stories we inherited. The ones that taught us fear, guilt, and silence around money. Healing begins with truth. 

Interested in learning more about healing from financial abuse? Check out my article Trauma-Informed Financial Healing: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Money Mindset.

As always,

Be gentle. Go slow. Peel better.

Sources

1. https://nnedv.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Library_EconomicAbuseFactSheet2021.pdf 
2. https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-uncovers-illegal-practices-across-student-loan-refinancing-servicing-and-debt-collection/ 
3. https://protectborrowers.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/SBPC-Mapping-Exploitation-Report.pdf