Part two of a four-part series. Explore more below.
After childhood, many trauma survivors find themselves in adult relationships that mimic the financial exploitation, abuse, or shame from their childhoods. It’s not a coincidence, it’s a pattern. And it’s more common than most people realize.
According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases [1]. It’s one of the most powerful tools abusers use to maintain control, and one of the top reasons survivors stay or return to abusive partners.
Want to learn more about financial trauma? Check out my blog post, Beginning to Heal Financial Trauma for more information.
What Does Financial Abuse Look Like?
Financial abuse looks like:
- Restricting access to money or accounts, even your own
- Sabotaging employment or educational opportunities
- Creating debt in your name
- Using money as leverage, manipulation, or punishment
“I’ll let you buy that if you let me do this.”
The Devastating Consequences
Sharing finances is scary for me. I’ve never shared a bank account with another person for this reason. If I can be exploited and used while keeping a separate account, why would I trust someone to have full 24/7 access? Those are the thoughts that go through my head when a partner suggests a joint checking account.
The consequences of financial abuse can include:
- Loss of financial autonomy
- Erosion of self-worth and confidence
- Feeling trapped or unable to leave due to economic dependence
But it’s not just people. Institutions, banks, and companies have also been known to prey on the financially vulnerable—especially those with limited financial literacy or trauma histories.
Take student loans, for example. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has uncovered illegal practices across student loan servicing, including:
- Misleading borrowers about protections
- Denying rightful benefits
- Deceptive billing and unauthorized debits
- Exploitative refinancing that strips federal protections [2]
And the Student Borrower Protection Center reports that for-profit colleges have disproportionately targeted low-income communities and students of color with predatory financial schemes; promising opportunity but delivering debt and disillusionment [3].
It’s personal, and it’s systemic. Financial abuse lives in relationships, yes. But it also lives in policy, in profit models, and in the fine print.
Why The Beliefs We Hold About Spending Matter
Financial abuse can also be self-induced. It comes from the way we talk to ourselves and our own beliefs. Many of us were raised in environments where money was tied to survival, shame, and sacrifice. Where spending, even on happiness, was seen as betrayal.
When we were younger, my brother bought a scooter with cash he earned helping our uncle. My mother threatened to leave because he didn’t contribute to the household. Because, “no one thinks of anyone except themselves”.
That moment stuck with me. It taught me that spending money on yourself, even when you’ve earned it, is dangerous. Selfish. Risky.
This is scarcity mindset in real time. It’s the belief that there’s never enough, and that any personal abundance must be punished or redistributed. It teaches us:
- To feel guilty for spending on ourselves
- To equate worth with sacrifice
- To fear joy, pleasure, or autonomy when money is involved
Scarcity mindset is cultural, generational, and systemic. It’s reinforced by trauma, poverty, and survival conditioning. And it shows up in our adult lives as:
- Shame around buying things we love
- Fear of financial independence
- Over-giving or under-earning in relationships
- Feeling undeserving of rest, pleasure, or abundance
In a recent Medium article, Unlearning the Scarcity Mindset: A Guide to Buying Yourself the Damn Scooter, I explored my own scarcity mindset and how it’s haunted my recent purchases and investments. This is what I’ve learned—
“I am allowed to enjoy my time. I am allowed to do things I love. I am allowed to buy items necessary to explore a new passion. I don’t have to “perform” in a certain way to deserve this time and opportunity. I am allowed to invest in myself, my mental health, and my life.”
Moving Forward After Financial Trauma
Before we can reclaim financial safety, we have to name the stories we inherited. The ones that taught us fear, guilt, and silence around money. Healing begins with truth.
Interested in learning more about healing from financial abuse? Check out my article Trauma-Informed Financial Healing: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Money Mindset.
As always,
Be gentle. Go slow. Peel better.
Sources
- https://nnedv.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Library_EconomicAbuseFactSheet2021.pdf
- https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-uncovers-illegal-practices-across-student-loan-refinancing-servicing-and-debt-collection/
- https://protectborrowers.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/SBPC-Mapping-Exploitation-Report.pdf